


Faking it and Making it

by InterstellarBlue (nagi_schwarz)



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 19:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20345185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/InterstellarBlue
Summary: Written for the comment_fic prompt: "Any, any, Asexuality Spectrum."





	Faking it and Making it

“You’re covering which song?” Sanha asked. 

Bin nudged the laptop toward him, pressed play on the music video. 

Rocky peered over Sanha’s shoulder. “You’ll have to alter a lot of the choreography so it fits your body type.”

“And so it doesn’t make you look like a girl.” Sanha snickered. 

Bin nodded. “I know.” He looked exhausted. 

Eunwoo peered at him. “Are you all right?”

MJ burst into the practice room. “Have you seen the outfit Bin’s going to have to wear for his solo stage?” 

Sanha twisted around to look at him. “No. How have you seen it?”

“It’s in my email.” Bin pointed to the laptop. 

Sanha clicked over to the tab with Bin’s email inbox. He guffawed. “Really?”

“The president recommended it.”

Eunwoo peered at the picture. “Doesn’t that seem a little bit shameless?” The outfit was a see-through black shirt and skintight leather pants. 

Rocky frowned. “Leather pants are the worst to dance in. Being barefoot will be rough too.”

“Beats high heels, though,” Sanha said, clicking back to the tab with the music video. 

Bin sighed. “It’s going to be so hard.”

“The choreography’s not so bad,” Rocky said. 

Bin scrubbed a hand over his face. “Pretending to be sexy. It’s exhausting.”

“You have the best sexy face out of all of us,” Sanha said. “Eunwoo always looks like he’s mad and Rocky looks like he’s about to pick a fight. MJ looks sad and I’m not allowed to look sexy because I’m the maknae.” Sanha pouted for a moment. “Jinjin has a pretty good sexy face, though.”

MJ smacked Sanha on the arm. “Yah! I do  _ not _ look sad. I look sexy.”

Jinjin was the last to arrive. He knelt down beside Bin. “Hey, I heard about your solo stage for the next concert. Are you going to be all right?”

“All right?” Sanha echoed. “If we were American pop stars, girls would be throwing their underwear at him.”

Bin shuddered. 

Eunwoo put a hand on his arm. “Are you okay? You look like you want to be sick. Should I help you up?”

Jinjin said, with quiet authority, “Give us a moment.”

“Why?” Sanha asked, but MJ nodded and stood up, pulled Sanha with him. Rocky went to follow. 

Eunwoo remained beside Bin. “Don’t feel like you have to keep secrets from us. We respect your privacy, but we’re a team. We should support and protect each other.”

Bin said nothing. 

“Bin?” Jinjin asked. 

Bin scrubbed a hand over his face. “I might as well tell them. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Jinjin looked chagrined. “I didn’t think it was. Rocky and Sanha are still young, though.”

“Not too young to know,” Bin said. He smiled tiredly at Eunwoo. “I appreciate your loyalty.”

Eunwoo nodded and sat back a bit, to give him space. 

Sanha tugged free of MJ and plopped back down on the floor, gazed at Bin expectantly. 

Bin said, “I’m asexual.”

MJ’s eyes went wide. Rocky nodded calmly. Sanha’s brow wrinkled. 

“You mean you can’t have sex?”

Bin sighed. He looked totally drained. “I’m physically capable. I just - don’t want to.”

“With anyone?” Sanha asked. 

Bin nodded. 

_ “Ever?” _

Bin nodded again. 

Sanha hummed thoughtfully. “Were you hit on the head when you were little?”

“Yah!” Jinjin smacked him on the shoulder. 

“Oh. Sorry. Did - did someone hurt you?” Sanha’s eyes got big and watery. 

Bin tossed his head. “No. It’s just the way I am. Some people are straight and some people are gay and some people are bisexual and I’m asexual. Okay? Okay.”

“No wonder you were always the most virtuous trainee,” MJ said. 

Bin shrugged. 

“Is it a huge burden?” Eunwoo asked. “Pretending to be sexy?” He might have been the main visual of the group, and Bin might have officially been the main dancer, but he was the sexiest member of the group according to fans. 

“When we’re all onstage together it’s not a big deal, because I’m not always front and center.” Bin sighed. “But solo…”

Eunwoo pushed himself to his feet. “Let’s go find Manager, talk to him -”

Bin grabbed his arm. “No.”

“Then - the company president -”

“It’s just one song. I can do it.”

Eunwoo knelt beside him again. “You haven’t sung a single note or danced a single step and already you look exhausted.”

Bin swallowed hard. “I can do it. For the team.”

“But you shouldn’t have to.”

Bin managed a small smile. “Just knowing all of you are supporting me will be enough. And you’ll have to be honest with me when I practice sexy faces in the mirror.”

“If you’re sure,” Eunwoo said. 

Bin nodded. 

It was Sanha who moved first, surged forward and grabbed Bin in a hug. “I’m sorry you’ve been burdened, Hyung.” Then he pulled back. “I’m sorry. Do you not like hugs?”

“I’m asexual, not emotionally dead inside,” Bin said, and pulled Sanha back into a hug. The others followed. 

Later, after Rocky had helped Bin figure out some preliminary choreography, Bin collapsed on the practice room floor beside Eunwoo, who’d watched him and wondered about all the times he’d joked about pretty boys and girls, all the times he’d flirted with people. If he knew how much Eunwoo liked him - and wanted him - he would feel even more burdened. Eunwoo could never tell him. So he smiled like he always did and handed Bin a water bottle. 

“Thank you.” Bin unscrewed the cap and drained half of it. Then he leaned back, rested against the mirror. “I’m not aromantic either.”

Eunwoo glanced at him. “What?”

“Just because I don’t want to have sex doesn’t mean I can’t fall in love,” Bin said. 

Eunwoo’s eyes went wide. “How did you -?”

“I’m not blind either.”

Eunwoo’s heart started to pound. “Do the others know?” 

“No. But then they’re not looking for it.”

Eunwoo wilted. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to burden you with my feelings -”

Bin put a hand on his shoulder. “Your love is never a burden,” he said. 

“Binnie, I -”

Bin tugged him in for a hug. “I love you too.” Then he pressed a kiss to Eunwoo’s cheek. 

His heart soared. Then he pulled back. “Binnie, don’t feel like you have to pretend -”

“I told you, I’m asexual, not aromantic. A kiss is affectionate, not just sexual.” Bin smiled patiently. 

Eunwoo gazed at him, hopeful but nervous. “Are you sure?”

“I am.” Bin curled his hand through Eunwoo’s. “Now come on. Let’s go home. Being sexy is exhausting.” He rose, helped Eunwoo to his feet. 

They gathered up their gear and headed for the door.

“Do I really look mad instead of sexy?” Eunwoo asked. 

Bin shrugged. “I don’t know. You don’t look mad to me. The face I make when people say I look sexy - I just kind of copied older idols.” He added, a little shyly, “You always look beautiful to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I watched that old video of Bin singing Butterfly and then of course his cover of Sunmi's 24 Hours and I was struck by how bb!Bin has the same facial expressions when he sings as when he's older. As a dancer, I know how much of a performance is choreographed, including emotions and facial expressions. The energy in a performance has to be genuine, but I also know how much of what is conveyed is rehearsed, and it got me thinking about how exhausting it must be sometimes, to be Moon Bin.
> 
> Also I know not all ace people approach sex and relationships the same way. This is just one possibility on the spectrum.


End file.
